No Regrets
by Lady of the Phoenix
Summary: A song-fic one-shot on what happened to Reeve after the man he couldn't love that way died. ReeveTseng. Please Read, don't have to review.


Author's Notes: Here is my first short little song-fic (One-shot, duh). It's how I felt after reading _One Last Breath_ by _LarkRaven_. I loved it, but it made me cry. I started to wonder how Reeve felt when he learned of Tseng's death. I don't own Tseng or Reeve, and Bryant, Bria and Ben are LarkRaven's. The background story is hers, but this idea is mine. 'Thanks that was Fun' belongs to the Barenaked Ladies (vote Page/Robertson '04, Canadians for a better America) and I wish I owned them so I could finally get a concert! The song itself is in italics. The lyrics are straight but I used them different in the story. Also, do NOT read this is you have not read One Last Breath by LarkRaven. Thanks for the wonderful idea!

No Regrets

_I'm learning,_

_I'm yearning,_

_I'm burning all your stuff,_

_But that's not enough._

_I'm faking,_

_That I'm aching,_

_Mistaking lust for love._

"Reeve, what are you doing?" Bria asked, her voice panicked as she grabbed the fire extinguisher.

"Don't," I commanded my voice cold and strong, "I'm burning his things..."

"Why?!" she demanded, trying to get to the fire on the table.

"I'm learning," I mumbled to her.

"Reeve, what is wrong with you? You've been so distant lately."

I turned away from her, yearning to throw myself into the fire. Once the threat of Meteor was gone I was finally able to sit down and think like I used to. There had been so many thoughts, but HE was foremost in all of them. Those years with him, when I had been with only him, were the happiest years of my life. For all of that time, and the time with Bria, I'd been mistaking love for lust. Now it wasn't enough, now ache filled me, a yearning need for the man I loved.

"Bria..." I started, watching her put out the fire.  
  
"Yes Reeve?" the woman smiled at me. Once that smile had made me burn with need, now it only reminded me of leaving him because he couldn't betray Shin-Ra for me.

I stood and stared her in the eyes, "Good-bye."

"What?" her smile turned to a frown, "Reeve, you are NOT leaving me! How could you!? We've been through so much!"

"It's not you..."

"It's him, isn't it? The one you couldn't love that way? You're NOT gay Reeve! You've proven it so often over the years!"

How could I not be shocked silent by her mocking tone? Guess it was pointless to argue when she started to scream and yell, packing a suitcase for me. By the time she walked me to the bus that would take me out of town I was completely numb. What was I supposed to do?

_Thanks that was fun._

_Don't forget, no regrets;_

_Except maybe one..._

_Did I scare you,_

_When I dared you,_

_I stared you in the eye,_

_And told you good-bye._

_You mocked me,_

_It shocked me,_

_When you walked me to the bus._

"Reeve? What the fuck you doin' here for? And where is you damn mechanical menace, Cait Sith?" Cid asked, staring at me out in the rain.

"Can I just come aboard?" I asked, shivering in my soaked clothes.

"Ya better," Highwind said, stepping aside to allow me entrance to his airship.

Before he demanded my story he had me change into dry clothes and got me a hot drink. But my peace didn't last forever, "Why you here?"

"I need you to take me to Wutai," I said, looking at the cup of tea.

"What the hell for?"

"If you won't take me..." I began as I stood.

"Sit down, shut up and drink your goddamn tea!" the gruff man demanded, seizing my arm and pulling me back into the seat.

"Please Cid, let me go."

"Tell me why the hell you wanna go to fucking Wutai."

"I..." the words caught in my throat for a moment, "I have to see a friend. I need to see Tseng's grave."

"That fucking soulless bastard of a Turk?!" Cid shouted.

NO ONE called Tseng that! I reached across the table and grabbed Cid by the throat with surprising strength. When the old pilot began to choke I released hi, though I didn't want to.

"NEVER," I growled, sounding more feral than Nanaki ever could have, "call him that!"

Carefully Cid ran a hand over his now bruised throat, "Fine. I'll take you, but I ain't bringin' you back!"

"I don't intend to ever come back..."

_Thanks that was fun,_

_Don't forget, no regrets,_

_Except maybe one,_

_Made a deal, not to feel.  
God that's dumb._

"Reeve? I... didn't expect to see you again..."

"Ben, I'm sorry for just dropping in. I'm sorry about everything in our past... I... Just need somewhere to stay for the night."

The former Shin-Ra accountant smiled weakly and let me into his home, "Got something on your mind?"

'Tseng," I admitted my eyes downcast.

"Me too," he said in a comforting way.

"Ben, what was it like to love him?" I blurted when he'd taken me into his home and sat across from me in a comfortable looking chair.

"Well, I can't describe it really. It was just that every moment with him was perfect. Why?"

"I think I loved him..." I mumbled, again averting my gaze.

"Excuse me for saying it, but, after all you did and how you treated him... I'm surprised," his tone was cutting, "But maybe you should talk to him, go to his grave. It helps to talk, which is why I had him buried here."

"Show me."

_Everybody knows the deal fell through,_

_I was hoping I could just blame you,_

_When was it that I became so soft?_

_This sentimentality doesn't look good on me,_

_I thought that you would be begging to be with me,_

_I'm the one on my knees blubbering 'Please let me stay'._

"Tseng..." my words were barely coming from my lips, "Why did you have to die? Why did I have to love you?" I questioned as I laid the flowers at the base of his simple tombstone.

I cried. Nothing could stop it, so I sobbed out an apology, "Everyone that matters knew Tseng, or knows now. I broke our deal, I left you. I wanted to blame you for loving me so much, but I was too soft to realize my own love. But I guess all I can say is thanks Tseng, because with you it was always fun. I won't forget, I'm not supposed to have regrets about this, but I do. Only one though... I made a deal Tseng, a deal with my heart. I didn't want pain so I made a deal not to feel for you. God, it was so fucking dumb, forgive me..."

There was no reply, but I didn't expect one, so I went on, "And now I've said my peace. But I'm leaving you something, a token of my love..." I took the simple gold ring from finger and buried it in the earth over his grave. Around my neck I wore the ring I had given him on a simple gold chain, a memento of our time together.

"I've got to go on now, so I hope there is a heaven you're waiting for me in..."

_Deflated,_

_And jaded,_

_I hated when you called,_

_Which isn't at all._

_I've spoken, _

_Though broken,_

_Here's a token of,_

_My love._

"Ben, I croaked out, searching for my lover's hand.  
  
"I'm here Reeve," he assured me, taking my weak, wrinkled hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I love you..."

I know, but never as much as you love Tseng. I feel the same way hun," came his reply, tears in his eyes, "It has been great Reeve. Now just go to him. I'll find you two soon enough."

"I see a light Ben."

"Run to it Reeve, he'll be waiting."

The sight faded from my eyes and the pain from my body as I ran towards the light. I knew I was dying, but I was happy. Thirty years with Ben had made me content, but the cancer had destroyed me. Now I was leaving my body, searching for my heaven. I ran, I ran with all my might, hearing a voice I didn't know echo the word around me.

Then I froze, feeling different. My eyes opened, but when I looked down at myself I was no longer old and feeble. My skin was smooth, this body strong, and it was perfectly fit. When I looked up I saw him, standing there, another man, maybe a teen, behind him, arms wrapped around his waist. That was surely Bryant, Tseng's first lover. Nearby Sephiroth stood with Vincent Valentine, both beautiful like they had been at the peaks of their Shin-Ra careers. Yet I couldn't focus on them.

_Thanks that was fun,_

_Don't forget, no regrets,_

_Except maybe one,_

_Made a deal, not to feel,_

_God that was dumb._

"Tseng," I muttered weakly, feeling horrible.

The Wutain looked over his shoulder at Bryant, who nodded and loosened hi grip, "Go to him Tsengy."

And he did. Next thing I knew I was held in that warm, safe embrace of my Turk, "Tseng."

"Reeve," he said softly, confirming it all.

"Oh Tseng."

"Reeve Reeve Reeve."

Our eyes locked together like they used to, and I was the first to look away, "I'm sorry, I should have known, I should have told you I did love you, could love you that way."

"Shhh. Don't forget, no regrets," he whispered before releasing me and backing away.

"Don't leave me!" I said, falling to my knees, begging him.

_Don't forget, no regrets,_

_Except maybe one,_

_Made a deal, not to feel._

"I'm not going to," he said, though he moved to Bryant. My love hugged his first lover good-bye, and then moved to kiss Sephiroth on the cheek. Finally he walked backed to me and pulled me to my feet.

We kissed like so many times before, but this one was perfect in every way, so much so he commented, "Thank Reeve, this is fun..."

"Tseng," I buried my head in his hair," I love you, and I want to love you that way."

My lost love smiled and guided me off through the seemingly endless white, "I know. Come on, let's go see if we can go live 'Happily Ever After'."

_Thanks That Was Fun..._


End file.
